If you live in the Abbotsford area you have likely seen the white things as you drive towards Costco. There's about 1800 of them. 1,862 of them, actually. They're all lined up in the field. It's a memorial, of sorts.
|Les Bazso/PNG FILES (The Province)|
If you don't know me well, I don't shy away from her questions. She recently asked how a baby comes out of the mommy's tummy. I told her. She laughed hysterically and then commented on how large a baby is and that it must hurt... yep.
So when she pointed to the 1,862 crosses that show the number of times a beating heart is stopped via abortion each week in Canada, I did my best to tell her the innocent truth.
I told her that sometimes a baby dies in the mommy's tummy before it comes out.
"So all the babies died right there?"
"No. That's where they put some crosses so people can see them and remember the babies that died."
"But now all the babies are in heaven." Not a question... a statement. She knows.
After a few seconds, she added, "Mom, did you have a baby that died in your tummy?"
"I did." At this point I failed to keep the tears in my eyes. "Before you were born, I had a baby in my tummy, but I never got to meet it."
"But it's waiting in heaven for you." Again, a statement.
"Yah, I'll get to meet it one day."
"Is the baby a baby in heaven?" She asked in her sweet voice.
"I don't know. Maybe it's a kid..."
"It's probably so excited to meet you when you get to heaven!"
A couple hours later, at dinner:
"Mom what was the name that you were going to call me when I was born?"
"Finley? That was the name that I liked... but then we chose Sloan."
"I think the baby in heaven is named Finley. Then it could be a boy or a girl and you'll find out when you get there and meet it." She said with a huge smile on her face.
The next day
I started to think about my response and wanted to explain one more thing to her, but wasn't sure how to tell my innocent 5-year-old that some people chose for their babies to die. I didn't choose that. Of course a 5-year-old is too young to know about abortion. Of course. But I wanted to explain it somehow...
When we drove past the memorial the next day and she pointed out the crosses, I told her that sometimes a mom doesn't want a baby.
"You didn't want that baby?" Her voice was sad... and a little shocked.
"Oh Sweetie, I sure did! I wanted that baby very much. But I didn't get to keep it." Sometimes I'm amazed that I can keep talking without choking on my tears. She seemed to not notice.
"So then it's not so sad for the moms when they didn't want the baby and then the baby died."
"Well, sometimes it's still sad for them."
"Oh, cus maybe then after the baby died, then they thought 'Oh I wanted that baby" and then they're really sad. But they'll get to meet their babies in heaven too....... Just like you."
Exactly what we hope, my girl. Exactly! Repentence. Redemption. Reunion!
She is amazing.
Insightful and thoughtful and gifted in ways that I don't comprehend.