Multi Tasking

You know how during an interview they always ask, "How are you at multitasking?" My answer was always, "Great!" because I was. I could have a few different things on the go, never forgetting things and remembering what else needed to be done. This is what I remember about myself, circa 2005. Then in 2008 something happened. My brain didn't function as well with numerous different things going on around it. The "thing" that happened we shall refer to as "Sloan".

When I went back to work after having my one-year maternity leave I found it difficult but I chalked it up to being in a different, brand new, crazy busy work place. Although that was likely a factor, the biggest factor was the "Sloan". I found that while I was working, my mind would drift back to "Sloan" and yet, when I was with the "Sloan" my mind would drift back to work.

Another question that gets asked in interviews is, "How do you deal with stress?" My response would likely be, "I'm great with stress. It keeps me motivated and I can pull through it without issues." But even as I look back to 2002, the year of my wedding, the truth then was that I dealt with stress by not eating. I was at my thinnest when I got married, and not from trying - just from the stress of busyness and forgetting to eat. Unfortunately  that is not still the case. Now, it's a different eating solution... the opposite, in fact.

In 2010, another thing happened. We'll call that thing "Smith". You see, "Smith" didn't replace "Sloan", it just added to it. Then last year, another thing was added, called "Slater".

So, when I started a new position on February 4th, I thought it would all work perfectly into my little, perfectly planned out life. With this position only requiring 4-8 hours each week, it is a great mix to my life. I enjoy working to keep my feet in the life of marketing, and I enjoy having something new to add to the conversation with my hubby besides talking of diapers, playdates and disciplines. But, it hasn't been a fluid, no-problem, addition.

About a week after I started, my mind started to fall apart. I was struggling with how to manage my time (another one of those qualities I mastered up until 54 months ago). So I drew a little chart of my time and tried to follow it.

This was a rough draft and I knew I would type it up later, color code it and my life would follow smoothly.

Not so much. The color coding and typed part did happen, but the smoothly part didn't. The next week started and I completed my four hours of work and was back to controlling the home... which didn't work out as I hoped. It was all getting too much.

I haven't mentioned the other commitments I have during the week. Every Monday evening I attend the Women's Ministry lessons at my church. Then Wednesday evenings are our couple's Bible study. Then there's Friday and Saturday evenings, in which every one this month had a social engagement. Sundays are usually reserved for family night, and this month, three of the four hosted awards ceremonies (Golden Globes, Grammys and Oscars)  which meant that we joined together with my family to predict and watch the shows.

Add all those up and I had approximately 7 days without plans this month. That new holiday, Family Day, couldn't have happened during a better month for me. I needed one more day with my hubby home... although, we ended up with plans on that day too.

This last week, I fell apart... in a totally exaggerated meaning of the word. What actually happened was that I just didn't make it to two of our commitments  I needed the time to sit on the couch, clear my mind and veg out. I wasn't getting my weekly Sabbath and needed to take three rest days in a row.

So on Monday night I talked with my hubby and laid it all out there, "I'm not meant to be a mom and an employee." I continued with my complaining, "I was up for close to two hours last night with my brain going too fast with all the little things going on. I have all these things that need to be done for work, plus all the stuff for home and my brain is tired. I don't know how you people do it who work and have families." He smirked at me, and told me that was how the world does it.

And since my hubby knows me so well and is the perfect match for me, he told me what to do. And rather than sit and think of nothing while watching 1600 Penn (an entertaining show, I may add), I turned on the laptop, pulled up a spreadsheet, wrote a list and breathed a sigh of relief. I don't need to do everything right now. I just need to plan out when it can all be done. I need to explain to my boss that I am one who does best with starting and completing one project before starting on the 14 other ones. Then we can prioritize and start completing them. He is an ideas and vision guy and while I'm sure he would love to have them all done at the same time (today) I know that he will understand that we need to complete one project before starting on the next. The reason he hired me is because he needs someone to reel in his ideas and implement them. That is what I am good at.

I am thrilled to say that I have slept well all the rest of the nights this week, because God heard my pleas for help and because He gave me a great husband who can help me focus on the important and stop fretting over the small stuff. I made a great choice when I married that man.

Midwives

All of my babies were delivered by the same doctor. They all had different methods of delivery but the same wonderful doctor was there for all three births. My first baby was a surprise breach C-section, my second was an epidural VBAC and the third was natural (with the perfect amount of fentanyl). I contemplated having a midwife prior to the birth of my first child but because I contacted the midwifery office when I was 20 weeks pregnant, they were already full. I was disappointed since I had heard great things about midwives and how they let the mothers labour longer, were into being natural and those were things I liked, but once I met the doctors at the maternity group I was over it. Eight weeks later, when I received a phone call that the midwifery group had an opening, I turned it down. I was happy with the Maternity Group and with only a few months remaining, I didn't want to switch. Obviously, it wouldn't have mattered either... my breach baby needed to be delivered via C-section and the midwives couldn't have changed that. (And if you are one of those crazy people who think that I still could have delivered her naturally if I wanted... she was 9lbs... I wasn't going to do that!)

That all said, my husband asked me last night what book I was reading. The Birth House, I told him. I explained that it was about a midwife in Nova Scotia in the early 1900s. He said, "You DO love a good midwife book." It got me to thinking... it's true.

Some great midwife books that I've read are:

Call the Midwife by Jennifer Worth
I read this book a few years ago and really enjoyed it. There is now a PBS series based on the book, which I really, really, really tried to enjoy but it just was too much of an effort. The book, on the other hand, was interesting and I enjoyed reading this autobiography about midwifery in 1950s England.

Midwives by Chris Bohjalian
It was an Oprah Book Club selection back in the 90s, so I read it a few years ago and LOVED it. It was suspenseful and interesting and I can't recommend it enough (unless you are a doctor or nurse and then you'll probably find issues with it). I've never read any other books by Bohjalian but I have a few on my list to pick up one day.

The Midwife of Venice by Roberta Rich
I've reviewed it here before. I loved it. Venice in the 1500s. Awesomeness... especially since I love Venice. Definitely a place I want to go back to one day.

I realized today as I picked up my newest Amazon order that I just received a new one to read too. The Midwife of Hope River by Patricia Harman. Looking forward to reading another tale of delivering babies... this one in 1930s America.

I love books about midwives. And I like Holocaust books. And also mental illness. If only there was a book with all three combined. Could you imagine? My mind would be blown away!

For the two people who actually visit my blog, I'm sorry that it's been such a long time between posts. And I'm also sorry that when I finally write - today - it's about something as menial as books. I'll try to find some time to catch y'all up on my uber-exciting life. But today is not the day. Kids are getting angry that I chose to do something for myself while they are suffering with coloring and playing with toys.

Dinner with Kids

Today was a day. First of all it is day three of potty training the two-and-a-half year old boy. I think he's figured it out, but we just need to perfect it over the next few days. My hubby has been wonderful at it! Seriously, wonderful. I'm not nearly as patient. This is why we are doing potty-training while he is off work.

So the day is going along... it's not easy dealing with potty training since it requires a lot of attention. So Sloan was feeling it and had a rough time fighting for hers. Both Jordan and I made extra effort and took her shopping with us during the day so that she got away from the house, as well as getting some direct attention.

Along comes dinner time. I whipped up a pasta dish that I hoped maybe the children would possibly eat (partially incorrect - they ate the salmon, but didn't touch the pasta). We're just about to sit down to dinner and Smith says something along the lines of "gonchies are dry". We both quickly respond with "Lets go to the  potty" and start dashing towards him, but he loudly responds, "NOOO! I don't have to pee!"

In hindsight (which is 20/20), that was his tell. But at the time we just thought he was so well-trained (a.k.a. brainwashed) that he randomly says it when looking at Daddy.

So we sit down to dinner. We fight to get his book off the table so that we can pray and then finally dig into our quickly-getting-too-cold food. He wins. He keeps the book while we pray. I try to cover his eyes so that he is somewhat focused on the praying. He wins by pushing my hands away continuously and then we start to eat. Smith eats two bites. Then reads his book again. Normally this would be worth the battle but with the potty battles we decided the book could stay.

Meanwhile, Sloan is eating her dinner. It's a Christmas miracle.

"Uh-oh. Pee is coming."

I look to my left and see a wet puddle all over the woven seat of the chair, dripping through to the floor. I grab Smith and sprint to the bathroom. I sit him on the seat and wait for more while Jordan grabs our second roll of paper towel in the last three days, and cleans up the mess.

He claims to be done and we head back to the table.

It is now that Jordan offers his dinner proposition. "If you were to let me do P90X every night after work, we could have a late dinner and it could be date night every night. Then we wouldn't have to deal with this mayhem." I clarify with him: this would mean that I would be with the children from 7:30 am until 7:00 pm every day? Yep, I got that correct... but he explains that the kids would still be allowed to come down to the basement and see him but he would be working out at the same time. I would then feed the kids while he works out and then make a second dinner for just the two of us to enjoy after we jointly put all three of our babies to bed.

Maybe I'm a terrible wife, but the idea of making two dinners plus feeding the hounds on my own, while Mr Universe is working on his Abs of Steel in the basement, doesn't sound like a great plan for me. I explain this view to him, as well as point out that I like having my kids at dinner with me. I know it's often a dinner-time battle and even when I get frustrated and they don't eat more than two bites of what I've made and often time make a huge mess and someone starts to cry, I still believe it is important for us to share the Family Meal together. (It's very 2010s to believe this, I know...) Jordan thinks I just like to be difficult and not agree to anything that someone else likes, but I truly enjoy having my kids around the table. With extended family too. And yes, my children are brats sometimes... but I like to have them eat with us. Two reasons: I think it's important and I enjoy it (insert: parts of it).

This is when it all gets awesome! While we are discussing this Family Dinner conundrum, Sloan has jumped up from the table and ran away. From the area of the bathroom we hear, "I have to go poo." I can't help it: I start to chuckle.

Two minutes later she comes out of the bathroom, naked from the waist down, crying with tears rolling down her cheeks. "I can't do it. It just hurts too much." This is mommy's job.

I get up and visit the bathroom with her asking what hurts. She says it hurts in her tummy so I told her that maybe she just needed to toot and then it will feel better. She explains that she's trying but it's just not coming out and it just hurts so much. She gets back on the toilet and I'm about to leave.

"Can you just stay in here with me please? Can you sit on the floor and wait?"

Normally I would flat out refuse to watch my four-year-old defecate, but she is in pain and she asked really sweetly. I agree... and sit as far away as I can without seeming rude, and incredibly grossed out. Without completely embarrassing my child in her future with all the details: I stay for the entire thing. Both her and I must look at what happened, discuss the colour and texture, and then she tells me about the smell. Child, I can smell it too - I'm only three feet away!

We walk back to the table and she sits down beside her dad.

"Dad, it was diarrhea," she explains.

You're welcome, Jordan.

Both Jordan and I start to laugh. Sloan decides that she is done dinner, carries her plate to the counter and walks away. I tell Jordan about the entire disgusting, gross, yucky conversation that just happened in the bathroom... ALL the details! He and I are both laughing, almost hysterically.

"Really?" He asks. "You wouldn't prefer to have date night dinners every night?"

Nope. I really wouldn't. It's nice for once each week. That's it. The rest I like to spend with my kids. I mean, a dinner for adults doesn't often have such funny memories.

This evening will be remembered.

Sloan at School

I've been known to worry from time to time. Especially at 3:22 am. That's a GREAT time to worry (insert sarcasm here). I often wake up and my mind can't shut off so I just continue to think of random things to worry about. Some things are absolutely useless, like, if I was to cross the path of a bear in my backyard and the kids are playing outside too, what is my plan of attack? But other things are the ongoing list of things to do in my mind. So I make mental lists so that I can hope to remember them in the morning.

Lately, I've been thinking about Sloan and her progress at school. Enrolling her in preschool was an easy choice. She loves going places and doesn't get any separation anxiety so I wasn't concerned with leaving her at all, BUT I wasn't sure what her role would be at school.

At home, she is always talking, is very bossy with her brother, loves to play, loves to be loud and generally does her own thing. Very seldom do I plan something to do, it's more likely that she asks me to colour with her, or paint, or craft, etc. She's independent. These are all things that I like about her (minus the bossy part).

We thought that she could easily be lost in a class, because she tends to be an observer. We still chose the 20-child class size because we thought there would be better options at a larger school - plus I got a great feel when we visited the class. We were somewhat correct in our thoughts because she does keep to herself and is really independent. What I didn't imagine is that she's not really social...

I guess this really shouldn't shock me because she truly is just like me. She may resemble her dad more, but her personality is just like me. She doesn't like a lot of attention placed on her; but if she chooses to be the centre of attention - game on! She doesn't actively pursue friendships; she's happy with doing her own thing most of the time. She knows the answers to the teacher's questions but never raises her hand to offer the information. She participates in the songs and clapping, jumping, stomping, etc, but never repeats them at home. And as far as learning the words to a song: she's lost - just like me.

I don't know why any of these things surprised me because they are just like me but I guess I expected her to be a bit more like she is at home while she's at school. But when I reflect on my childhood I can remember being probed to talk about school more at home and I always felt like everyone was prying. Sloan doens't like when I ask about school, whether the questions are specific or not. But if I'm listening, she will share little things here and there.

I love the girl dearly, but her being just like me I think is going to be an interesting relationship. All the things that I think need to change about myself are going to rear their ugly little heads in her.

Let the head-butting begin... ahem... continue.

Today's Randomness

This post will contain random thoughts that I keep thinking of writing an entire blog post about, but instead they are all going into this one post.

I just read Love Anthony by Lisa Genova. It's a gooder. Entertaining - finished it in a couple days. Great inside knowledge into autism. Plus the human factor of two marriages that are falling apart. Nothing like a book about failing marriages to make me appreciate my wonderful, supportive and helpful husband. I've now read all three of Lisa Genova's fiction books. They've all been really good, but her first was her best!

This week I got almost all of my Christmas baking done. There are lots of Christmas treats that are delicious but I make the ones that are my favourites. Some may call it selfish, but I disagree. This year I made butter tarts, peppermint cookies, tiger butter and peanut butter marshmallow squares. I am still going to make another peanut butter and cereal crunchy square but I ran out of my 10-year-old corn syrup. (The fact that it doesn't go bad should imply something, shouldn't it?) My hubby wants me to make some lemon square thing that he remembers from his childhood, but so far I haven't found the recipe for it so it's on the Christmas Baking Phase Two list. Also on that list is Turtles, but I'm not sure how that is going to work with my lack of a deep freeze.

One way to wreck a dessert is by adding lemon. I know that I am almost alone in the world with this statement but I do not like lemon desserts. I will write this small disclaimer - if it is in the heat of summer, a lemon ice cream pie or lemon gelato or something sour and frozen will be accepted. Otherwise, lemon desserts can find a different place to live - not in my tummy. I just don't enjoy them. But if there is a dessert and you think to yourself, I bet if I add Peanut Butter it will be even more delicious, you are very likely correct. All desserts should have peanut butter added to them... well, except for lemon desserts. That would quite possibly wreck it for both camps - the lemon loving group and the peanut butter group.

And a note about children - like any job, I love only about 75% of what I am currently doing. The parts I love: watching these small people learn, cuddling them, tickling them, tucking them into bed with prayers, reading them books, watching them play with each other, listening to the things they say to each other, listening to them pretending and creating scenarios, taking them to the library, watching excavators and concrete mixer trucks at the job site nearby, watching their joy when they get complimentary cookies at the grocery store, and singing songs with them. These things are amazing to be part of... and to know that these small people are created from us. Amazing!

But then there is the other 25% which makes me want to lock myself in my bedroom and turn on the imaginary silent-making machine so that I can hear nothing (oh silence - it's so lovely). Those things are these: disciplining, listening to whining, fixing things that have been purposely broken (Mom, can you fix this digger. I broke it.), making snacks, feeling guilty about the unhealthy snacks I've chosen to stock my pantry with, listening to crying, changing poopy bums, never getting to use the restroom along, shopping with kids, herding them to get into the car which always takes approximately 10 minutes longer than I expect it to or that it should. I'm sure you get it.

So although being a stay-at-home-mom (for the moment) is an amazing blessing, there is still 25% of this job that is terrible and I could do away with. But I have yet to find or hear of a job where 100% of the job is perfect. I know some people may say, oh but I love everything I do, that's not true. Sorry. Next Topic.

Last topic: unreal things for kids. I'm struggling with my approach to such things and for the last four years it hasn't been an issue, but now Sloan has been talking about things (I'm guessing it comes from preschool or being around other children, plus getting older) and I need to know what our plan is. Today she said that when she gets older her teeth will fall out and then her adult teeth will grow. True.

Then she added, "And the tooth fairy will come and take my tooth away and give me money."
So I asked, "Is the tooth fairy real?" (We've been discussing real and not real because of monsters, ghosts and stuff from Halloween. We've also discussed that fairies aren't real because people can't fly.)
"Yep. She's real." Sloan replied.
"Oh. I didn't know that." I said.
"Yep, fairies are real, Mom. They're just really small so you can't see them."
"Oh, I have never seen one so that's why I didn't know."

So, now what? We've done the visit Santa at the mall thing and watch the Christmas specials, but she is putting this together now. I'll be honest, I don't want Santa to visit my house. All the gifts the kids get are from us. And in our house, the reason for this whole season is none other that Christ (despite Sloan announcing that it's all about family - thanks Christmas specials but Charlie Brown has this one right). So, I'm now facing this dilemma and need to think about how we are going to approach this.

I was the child who told all my schoolmates that Santa wasn't real. I don't want my kid(s) to be the same Debbie Downers, but I also don't want to get wrapped up in the things that aren't real. I'm not sure what the plan is here... any advice from those with School Aged kids and how that all panned out?

That's all for this dreary November day. Tomorrow is December and we are finally officially allowed to decorate for Christmas in this home. Excited.

Some Books

In July I asked if any of my Facebook friends were interested in a Book Club. It turned out that I had 10 friends who were interested and in August we met for the first time to discuss our selection. It's now November and we are reading our fourth book. I've been in a Book Club before, but that "club" was more of a Dinner with a Book, rather than a Book Club. We had great meals but didn't discuss the books much. This new "club" actually discusses the books - who knew that you could find topics and questions about a book to talk about for two hours? It's awesome!

I wanted to share the books we've read and a short review for each.

1. The Memory Palace: A Memoir by Mira Bartok

A memoir of a daughter growing up with a schizophrenic mother, who also struggles with memory issues. Heartbreaking, disorganized, slow. The group liked the book, but the consensus seemed to rate the book as a 7/10. This book spurred on lots of conversation, especially about obligations one may feel towards caring for an ailing parent. Interesting, for sure.
(The discussion questions were found in the book or on the author's website.)

2. Where We Belong by Emily Giffin

Chick lit/women's fiction about an adopted daughter who searches for her birth mother and the relationships that are affected by it. Quick read, entertaining, and easy. While the group enjoyed the book, no one was ranting or raving about it. Again, 7/10 would be appropriate. Lots of conversation about secrets and lies and adoption. It's always nice to talk about relevant things.
(Questions were found on Emily Giffin's website.)

3. The Kitchen House by Kathleen Grissom

Women's fiction about a young Irish orphan on a ship to America who grows up with the slaves on the Captain's farm. Sweeping story about niave Lavinia's life of trying to find her place between living with the slaves and living in the big house. Awesome. I give it 10/10. Many great questions and we really enjoyed discussing this one. Read it!
(Questions in the book or on publisher's site.)

4. Behind the Beautiful Forevers by Katherine Boo (I love pretty books --->)
We'll be meeting about this book tomorrow so I don't want to divulge too much information. It's the true stories of many residents of the Annawadi slum near Mumbai's airport. The journalist-turned-author spent a couple years in Mumbai and gained the trust of Annawadi's residents before writing this book. I had to keep reminding myself that this really happened, only a few years ago, and it is still happening!
(Questions on Litlovers.com)

5. Cutting for Stone by Abraham Verghese
This is our December/January pick so we won't review it until January. I've heard many good things about these twin brothers in the medical field and their experiences overseas. I don't want to read much more about it until I actually read the book...

And since I love reading, I have also read a few other fiction books over the last couple months. Some good ones are:

Still Alice by Lisa Genova. Amazing. Alzheimers. One of my favourite books. Ever. 10/10. Read this one.

Wallflower in Bloom by Claire Cook. Entertaining. Enjoyable. Easy read. Dancing and love. 8/10
Left Neglected by Lisa Genova. Healing after brain damage. Loved it. Great author. 9/10
When in Doubt, Add Butter by Beth Harbison. Chick Lit. Easy. A personal chef and some love. 8/10
The Story of Beautiful Girl by Rachel Simon. So good. Disabled persons in the 70s. 9/10

And I've read a couple great non-fictions too:
Unplanned by Abby Johnson. The Pro Life vs Pro Choice opinions. 10/10
Have a New Kid by Friday by Kevin Leman. Raising kids - being consistent and give consequences. 10/10

In order, you should read: Still Alice, The Kitchen House, The Story of Beautiful Girl, Unplanned, Left Neglected and Heaven is For Real. By then a normal person is probably tired of reading for the year...

And in case you were wondering. I've read 27 books in 2012. And I am on target to read 30 by the year's end.

I'm a nerd and I know it.

Addiction and the iPhone

In August I got an iPhone. I was refusing to get one for the longest time because of two reasons. First, I don't particularly like text messages and prefer to talk to people so getting a phone that makes it easier to text seemed counter productive to me. Secondly, I have an addiction problem so I thought I would be too tempted with games on my phone.

I was correct in my assumptions.

#1. I text a lot now. It's just so easy. I still would prefer to talk to people in real life but sometimes when I'm in the middle of something, texting is a convenient way to quickly share. For example, my baby puked on me the other day while I was holding him up above my face... so yes, he actually puked in me - as in, IN my mouth and then all over my shirt. I had my phone nearby, took a picture of the puke all over my shirt and sent it to a friend. So convenient to share in my disgusting moment, right?

#2. I have an iPod that we received in 2009. I had many games on the machine that I would play until I conquered them. Sally's Spa. Angry Birds. Words with Friends. Trinitower. Spider Solitaire. Just plain old Solitaire. I would play them all the time. Meanwhile, I took a course at my church called Freedom Session and when someone else revealed - to her embarrassment - that she was addicted to a game on her computer and needed to stop it, my eyes were suddenly opened and I realized I too was addicted to gaming.  I thought I was only addicted to emotional eating, but it turned out I was also addicted to certain games. I vowed to stop playing Spider Solitaire on my laptop. It worked. I also deleted all the games on my iPod. Leaving it basically useless to me, since I don't listen to music. (Jordan now plays Angry Birds on it from time to time.)

So, I wasn't sure if I could handle the temptation with a cell phone that was made for games! I can't. I have since downloaded  a handful of games, only to delete them a few weeks later when I realize I'm again addicted. It's a vicious cycle.

Recently, I became addicted to a game called Fashion Boutique... well the actual name is Disney Fairies Fashion Boutique, but then if I tell you that, you're going to realize it's for 8-year-olds and I can't stop playing the darn game! I downloaded it for Sloan, but it's beyond her, so I have to help her read what outfits the fairies want and then she can design them. But I've played it so much - while she's in bed and won't bug me while I'm designing the clothes for the fairy friends - that we're (see how I did that.. said "we" although it's actually just me) in levels that are beyond her 4-year-old understanding. She doesn't know how to make animal talent outfits, or how to perfectly get the grubs, butterfly and spider to properly conquer the games so that we get more points (again the we). So I get frustrated when my 4-year-old is ruining all my hard work on her game (notice... hers!).

I really wanted to get the larger boutique which meant that I needed to save 50,000 points and buy it. I knew that Sloan would love it. True. I really thought she would love it so I wanted to get the larger boutique for her to see and be so proud of me for winning it for her! (And YES, I'm very embarassed to even be writing all of this!) I did it! We have the larger boutique.
(The photo to the left is not my boutique... I wish!)

Two days ago I started to think about this in depth. I've been embarrassed to let Sloan see me playing her game. Jordan just laughs at me. But the real problem is that I'm addicted to something. I've just passed my addiction around.... food, Spider Solitaire, desserts, Disney Fairies Fashion Boutique. It's not something that I'm proud of, but in admitting it, once again, I hope that I can get a grip on this very real issue I have.

I have deleted the other games off my phone (just this very second in fact). All that's left are Facebook and Instagram. I have to control my urges with them too... also very real addictions to them going on in my brain over here!

So, the moral of the story is this: the iPhone is a great invention and I need to be very careful that I don't let myself waste time on it. I only have a limited time on this earth, especially while my kids are young, and I don't want to look back and just think about how I wasted it on collecting coins in a kid's game.